I have been on a journey for a while now, as you may have guessed if you have read any of my previous ramblings or posts. Through out this my Mistress(wife) has stood by me, up for me, and kept me strong when its got tough. My ride on this roller coaster started along time ago before I met Mistress when I discovered I like female clothing (mainly underwear – stockings etc). Then I met my first wife and the interest in underwear continued – but crossdressing never want any where and I had never really thought about it either to be really honest. Yes I was a kinky fxcker and was in to latex – but that was where it go to. Then my life changed quite dramatically with my wife dyeing and I thought that it was the end of my kinky life and my desirers and then I met my wonderful sexy Mistress(wife). She re-awakened everything inside me and helped me rediscover sex, love and life. And I know I would not be the man (yes man) I am now without her.
She helped awaken Lucy (my otherside) through a holiday away – a visit to a shoe shop and then later a visit to my family where she encouraged me to come out and tell my family that I am a crossdresser. And at this point the little coaster started climbing again.
Since then I have been very public about my crossdressing, I dont have a male wardrobe anymore – all my jeans, shirts, underwear, jumpers, shoes are female now. And I am very content in my skin. Through M’s guidance I do not wear out or buy anything that would cause me to offend anyone or more particular for someone to abuse me. I Have had quite a few incidents over the last few years now – and each one leaves you slightly scared – the worst less than 12 months ago where it left me very shaken and upset.
I have quite an obsessive side to me – that once I want something I want more and more and more – It gets to the point when sometimes I don’t know when to stop – and thankfully there are usually people around me who stop me.
I know with all my crossdressing (and that I now have boobs – see previous posts) that I have come a long way and the coaster is now at the top of the hill. To go up would mean moving further forward into being a woman.. and yes..
- Hair has grown
- Trying to look more feminine
- Don’t buy any male clothes
All of these would make you think that’s my path. But I know I have no desire to be a woman. 1,2,3 are all about trying to fit in and stop the abuse. There are still a lot of people with little minds and they start very young, two small incidents over the weekend with kids. A young girl (approx 12) – asked me if I was a boy or a girl and when I said boy – said “errrrrrr” very loudly and then the following day a group of young boys on bike shocked I Had a pink coat on… Just minor but there. And I know people stare at me – but to be very honest – a lot of the time I enjoy the thrill of it and that It gets them a little confused.
However I have no interest in men, being in a relationship with a man or even dressing heavily female when I am out and about – it just does not interest me. And this is now why the coaster is out of control.
Mistress has told me she feels that I am on path and that in a year we may not be together…
This has left me really very shaken – I love her with all my heart and do not ever want to be with out her by my side. She means the world to me. And is not only my wife and lover she’s my soulmate.
So now I need to get the coaster to slow down – We both know that if stops totally it will not be right for me – and I think for her either – but I really need to find a way to control it.
Until next time